Being with someone

letting yourself savour another person's presence is a wonderful thing.

you roll and bask and soak and absorb and inhale - you allow him to permeate not only your physical body, but enter your consciousness.

you edify each other's naked bodies,
both writhing with desire.

when he takes you,
it feels like your body is collapsing inward;
toward the core of your pleasure.

you stare at each other,
the eyes, the eyes.

it reaches inside.

something is happening. the eyes.
they dilate.

your bodies.
they quiver.

your existence. his existence.
you are both suspend momentarily.

it's inexplicable
but together you acknowledge the unspoken.

remaker

i wished i could draw my heart out, and dismantle it;
build it from scratch.

i'd line the pieces onebehindeachother.

none
to
overlap.

i'd polish the parts that have been rusted by mistakes.
i'd get them gleaming again.  so that almost no one else will know that
it's been sent for repair.

except me.

The Swimming Pool

i imagine walking into the swimming pool,
sinking my body into the body of water.

it is midnight. the water glitters as if someone has thrown the dust of diamonds onto its surface;
drawing me to the edge of the pool. my toes are getting licked by the coolness of the water.

the night is balmy.it swathes my skin like a soft cashmere.

i take in the smell of the universe. i let it fill up my every pore and to remind myself that i am still alive.
even though i am already dead.

slowly, meticulously, i peel of the layers of my clothes.
i'm leaving behind the past.

i am surprisingly clear headed. i am accutely aware of my surroundings.
the drawing of curtains; people getting ready for bed
the muted ticks from the engine of a car; cooling down

focus

this will be over in a matter of minutes

i lay them down in a neat pile
so that they will know that i was in no rush
and that i was not insane

goodbye happiness that brings sorrow
goodbye love that causes pain
goodbye good that gives way to bad

i let my ankles dip into the water

its delicious temperature makes it all too easy
before i know it, half my body is submerged.

i am waist deep and away from eternity

i allow myself to have one last look at my mortal environment
it was good while it lasted, but it hurt too much.

finally, i bring my head under the surface
i hold my breath.

15 seconds
30, 45
my lungs feel like they're burning

as i came from the elements
let me return to them

goodnight and goodbye world...

and therefore i am

i've come to realise that i am a seeker.
a seeker of love, lust, distractions, things, ideas, friendships, relationships.

i persue things. i'm like a guided missile. once i've got my target set, it's all but a matter of time that i acquire it. i don't mean harm. i do it because it makes me feel good. it makes me feel alive.

it's exhilarating.

i don't like waiting. i don't seem to possess the patience that so many girls have. i am this churning fire that is unrelentless and all consuming. that is at the same time dangerous. both to myself and those around me.

i cannot sit still. stillness scares me. it bores me. it is in stillness that my mind gets thrown into chaos. where blank, empty space gets filled with rampant, destructive thoughts.

My sole carried me

I did it!
In 1 hour and 5 minutes. A personal best.

I want that one!

Now, these kind of fluorescent lights I don't mind.

On love

That which makes you caged, scared and bound is not pure.
Love makes you fly, see colours in the rain.

It makes you bulletproof.

-K