i don't like not having a job. it frees up too much of my time. i am so used to running up and down the office, having to swear profusely at my laptop for being a retard, laugh at stupid things that happen in the office through the day, forget to drink the only mug of water i filled up in the morning, go downstairs to suck on my cancer sticks. and 100 other things that i would've gripped about in the past.

and now, my mornings are religiously spent going through job sites, refilling my glass too many times, going to the toilet to pee too many times as a result of that, staring hopefully at my handphone and hoping to hear novelle vague sing to me. i am now even prostituting myself to the government. it doesn't help that i am feeling totally uninspired to do my individual project. oh yeah! my lecturer is stupid. give me ziggy soh the construction worker, robin the transgender or desmond yee the man who doesn't believe in television anytime. they were so much more exciting then this guy who doesn't even bear any semblance to a degree lecturer.

i hate all this time i have right now.

neu glo

i'm going to make myself a glow in the dark halo pillowcase since it's practically imposible for me to be an angel in the day.

17

i wish my eyes still held the same innocence then.

my conscience has been chewed and spat out on the pavement too many times,

through the years that i have carelessly allowed to brush past.

if only i had stopped to savour my youth, my naiveity, my fool-hardyness.

i feel like a fool

i've taken leave today for someone who doesn't want to see or talk to me.

i've spent the entire morning getting the cold treatment. (whilst sending out my resumes...one can never stop multi-tasking)

god knows what i'll do for the second half of the day.

i'm pissed to be at home alone, you're going to be pissed if i step out too.

this fucking blows.

i'm hooked

i had the (mis)fortune to chance across one blog that led to another and another, which has now become a full blown maniacal blog trawling craze.

it all started with my favourite gay, bryanboy, which then led on to

http://www.frockwriter.com/

and then to www.iliketoforkmyself.blogspot.com and then to ohsococo.blogspot.com, and...need i say more? i'm official deep down in the dark rabbit hole of blog hopping.

all these pictures of drool worthy clothes is making me very agitated because i'm not supposed to be spending. and this is not helping!!!!

don't be so bold to think that you posses an unchanging emotion.
yet, don't be so unsure to think that you are not capable of living up to your ideals.

you don't wish to disappoint, but don't beat yourself up too hard when you do.
because disappointment lets you learn what it means to have hope after.

master your own intricacies, before you expect others to understand you.
accept people's flaws, because we are not all born from the same yoke.

in love

meet my new love interest.

kristianaadnevik

what i would give to own one of his dresses.

fabric fornication: it's pure chiffon, leather, sequin, lycra, lame, metal, satin sex

from god

post secret

//sometimes at night i dream about you, you and you.
and i'm so fucking glad you're not there when i wake up.

//sometimes i don't say anything because i'm afraid you might think i've been to sheltered my entire life to know what strife or hardship means.

//as much as i fucking hate your guts god and say you don't exist, i secretly hope you do.

if my words were fingers

Language is a skin: I rub my language against the other. It is as if I had words instead of fingers, or fingers at the tip of my words. My language trembles with desire. -Roland Barthes

this is what i am, what are you?

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority. (so true)
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller.(frankly, i'd rather listen to other people talk)

In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.
You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. You break a lot of hearts. (uhhh...lol)

At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do. (i second that)
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

could it get any better then this?

i don't know whether i'm ready to give up my job.

luxe hotels
spas & massages
preferential treatment
hosted lunches & dinners
spending on the company's account
partying up like there's no tomorrow
travelling to more places in my 2 year stint here then any other time

a boss that's as scary as bambi can get
meeting new people from around the world
pumping up my resume with regional projects
staying a mere $5.00 cab ride away from work
having the liberty to come in after 9am (i hate waking up early)

jebuschrist. i think i'm crazy to walk away from all this.
with the same accord, i think i'll be stupid to stay here too.

comfort=complacency=no growth=no new skills=no pay rise=no 'whole lot of other things'

i like doing it on the bed

sometimes i do it in the toilet. But most times i do it on the table.

Wireless rocks. My handphone doesn't.

Damn i'm tired. Goodnight world.

wow, you're brutal

somehow i don't crave silence so much now.

and i realised fractionation works on me, fuck, to think that i was above all that. heh

tell me what's on your mind

ossie clark . joan osbourne . hard rock cafe brownies .
herve leger . manic street preachers . miramar's jap buffet .

my love for you . and you .

hot hot hot

i'm feeling so bloody warm at my seat...i'm getting sprouts of heat shooting from the small of my back up to my neck. it's assulting my head and giving me a nasty headache.

arghhh.

so begins my perennial whining, which typically starts at around 4-4.30pm each day, where i'm desperately dying to get out of the office and go home and bask in the sun at the pool. rather then to be rooted to my chair which is stiff as anything, using a half fucked laptop, listening to the stilted accent of the lbc sitting beside and slowly getting blinded by the nasty flourescent lights (which i'm damn sure is one of the reasons why my eyesight is deteriorating).

45mins to go. i'd rather be running on the treadmill damnit.

in the presence of absence

the heart will grow fonder. but as absence prolongs itself, the unbearable, becomes bearable.

you know what, fuck this...it's a friday, i shouldn't be ruminating about such depressing things and start looking forward to the weekend.

night festival at the museum anybody?

i share his thoughts

Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits

--Dan Barker

How true. Maybe we should re-term faith to, blind assumption.
So it's a good thing that I have lost faith in a lot of things. Because it beats being fooled hook, line and sinker, each time.

I've lost faith in religion. It's pointless, it's deceiving, it's manipulative and it's poisonous.

I've lost faith in friendships. They're tiring, they're superficial, they're ...need i say more?

I don't want to have faith in myself. I want to know myself.

we shall cast stones at them

For the prophet will cite the actual course of events as proof that he was right from the very beginning.

So let us pick up the stones and pebbles by the roadsides of our minds and throw them at these false prohets. Let us build a trench of fire and hang them at the stake to burn. Purge not only their false prophesies, but their very being from the existence of our minds, because their triumph is our end. Hunt each one of them down, bring them to face the fury of flames, and engulf them in it, once and for all.

get myself in order

things to get done (not in chronological order)

1. i sense an impending flu about to develop, so that's gotta go
2. start pimping myself out get find a new job
3. catch transformers 2. fuck the 1 star from straits times, i'm watching it
4. plan for vietnam. only 1 month away!
5. stop staring at my ring. it's sparkly, i need to stop getting distracted by it
6. my mind's a mucky swamp right now. i need to find my bearings
7. go to gastronomia and get the cupcakes before i forget them AGAIN
8. shop. my depressing wardrobe almost made me not want to come in to work today
9. register for the standard chartered run. 10 or 21k
10. start thinking of my next 10 non-chronological things to get done

kpo-ed

i swear to you, kpo has the awesome-est take away containers ever...please ask for your stuff to be packed back for you. i promise you'd have a one-of-a-kind carrier, you'd be so proud of to tote around town.

p/s don't let their drinks fool you. i ordered a mojito and almost half the glass was full of crushed ice, but it's hella strong. i had to let it sit for 15 mins.

i know i must be one of the only few who have not had no.5 emerald hill's famous chicken wings, but after trying it today...everything else, well, apart from macpherson market and balaclava's chicken wings are not even worth trying. unless someone else can beg to differ.

they've got square rooms, i've got a square butt

i have officially spent a total of 8 hours being bounced from the clinic at dover to alexander's a&e, to various different rooms within the a&e, and finally to the optomology department. probably the worst way to spend the day. ever.

on a seperate note: congrats to ben & cheryl!!

on a seperate-r note: thanks isaac for letting me mooch around at your place. so what did you eventually get up to when we left ;) ?

mental stimulation

it's about due time i picked up a book again.
the bell jar by Sylvia Plath. heard a lot about it but never really got down to getting a copy, until yesterday.

*correction
she died by asphyxiation from a gas stove and not from putting her head in the microwave.
god only knows how i came up with that. that is a fucking morbid way to die by the way. to first smell your hair burning, your skin drying, your eyes hardening, the heat permeating through your scalp...i don't even know whether you'd be conscious enough to feel your brains getting cooked inside.

not that i know anything about putting heads into microwaves.

just saying.

re(re)new/fresh

why am i doing this? why i am back here again?

i can't really think of a good reason why and frankly i think (there we go again!) i've done enough thinking and pondering this week to last me for quite some time. so screw it with the reasons, i'll address them when the situation calls for it. *probably never

---
random thought

i'd wear you like a pair of ballet flats
on my left, when you're meant for my right.
it won't be comfy at first, but it won't take long for me to get used to it
but somehow it'll look wrong.

i'll be the girl stuck with wearing wrong sides of the shoes
and it's only natural, only normal, for me to want to switch sides.